The Best Gift: Nothing

I feel that I can give nothing. After quite a bit of restlessness, I resigned in frustration to this fact. That’s when I think I finally started to pay attention to the fact that perhaps giving nothing is the best thing I can give.

After all, what am I? Certainly nothing I say is original; it is an amalgamation of aphorisms borrowed from people far more eloquent, wise, and clever than I. You will find that these reflections do not deviate from this pattern.

So, considering how little of “me” I actually am, why not give up that façade in its entirety and admit that I am nothing, and therefore can contribute nothing of my own?
Please do not mistake this as a self-pitying plea for compliments, or as an ill-disguised mask of humility. I can assure you it is neither, only unabashed truth, and not necessarily an unfortunate one. Perhaps that “nothing” is not nothing. Perhaps that “nothing” is a thing in itself in that it is no specific thing; that is, the absence of a thing. Perhaps the absence of an entity serves as an entity in itself because of its nature as being “absent.” Ergo, perhaps the “nothing” is an actual thing.

Perhaps I can offer that “nothing” to someone.

We distract ourselves from God; it is not that God doesn’t want us to be passionate, or wired, or engaged, or happy, but during those times we have those comforts, those enjoyments to fill us. When our lives are devoid of those things, we feel the emptiness inside us. This can come in many forms: anger, frustration, restlessness, boredom, angst, depression. But when we halt the pity parade and truly look inside ourselves to the root of this hollowness, it is possible that God is providing us the opportunity to grow in intimacy with him without the other distractions. After all, happiness is supposedly fleeting, whereas joy is constant. God is about joy. Rarely is there immediate gratification with him – a true test of devotion for his beloved children, to see who will devote herself to him without the instant reward – but the ultimate payoff of true intimacy with the Lord is complete joy. We all know this, but I feel we rarely take advantage of our opportunity to grow in joy with him because we do not recognize the opportunity before us.

One of my favorite Psalms, 42, repeats:

Why are you downcast, my soul;
why do you groan within me?
Wait for God, for I shall again praise him,
my savior and my God.

Why, indeed? Who knows. No, I didn’t make a mistake with that punctuation. Truth is, we often don’t know why we sometimes feel downcast, or empty, or restless, especially when there’s no specific reason for it. But even if there is, maybe we could try an experiment: seize those moments in which we feel despondent for the nothingness inside us, and give that nothingness to God, so he can fill that space.

I think my point can best be summarized by the following passage:

1If there is any encouragement in Christ, any solace in love, any participation in the Spirit, any compassion and mercy,
2complete my joy by being of the same mind, with the same love, united in heart, thinking one thing.
3Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves,
4each looking out not for his own interests, but [also] everyone for those of others.
5Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also yours in Christ Jesus,
6Who, though he was in the form of God,
did not regard equality with God something to be grasped.
7Rather, he emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
coming in human likeness;
and found human in appearance,
8he humbled himself,
becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.
9Because of this, God greatly exalted him
and bestowed on him the name
that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus
every knee should bend,
of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that
Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

- Philippians, 2: 1-11

P.S. Told you none of these ideas are original ;-)

Female Body Image: Loving the Way God Made Us

I'm sure many of you have had this experience: you know a beautiful girl who's smart, funny, healthy, and absolutely gorgeous, but her self-esteem is in the dumps. She thinks she's fat, ugly, dumb, etc. I can't tell you how many girls like this that I've met, and it baffles me.
Some of you have probably heard me make remarks like this about myself, and so it seems strange that I'm writing about how wrong this is. Unfortunately, all women are affected by this epidemic that there's something wrong with us physically, that we don't measure up. We know this is untrue, but we can't seem to shake the thought that maybe, in our case, it is.
I'm just going to say right now to all of my sisters in Christ: STOP. NOW. PLEASE.
We cannot keep doing this to ourselves!!! The social messages, propounded by the media, constantly proclaim that we aren't good enough, pretty enough, sexy enough, thin enough, alluring enough, tall enough, short enough, blonde enough, brunette enough, interesting enough, smart enough, etc.
And I say ENOUGH!!!! to all those not-enoughs.
Ladies, I want you to read this carefully. Yes, you have heard this before; which is why you need to read it carefully so you actually ABSORB and BELIEVE what you're about to read. You ready? Ok then:
You are beautiful, just as you are.
You. Are. Beautiful. Exactly. The. Way. You. Are.
Somos mujeres hermosas; es verdad.
We are the pinnacle of creation. Remember the creation story in Genesis, how after God made the world, the animals, nature, etc. and then he made man, he realized it still wasn't complete? Do you remember what he did next?
Oh yeah. He made WOMAN.
As in "Whooooaaaaa man!! That's much better." (Just kidding, we love and need our Christian brothers).
The world literally was not complete until we were here. Um yeah, that's right.
Blessed John Paul said that feminine beauty, both spiritual AND PHYSICAL, reflects the infinite beauty of God. Yes, you read that correctly. YOUR BODY REFLECTS THE BEAUTY OF THE LORD AND CREATOR OF THE ENTIRE EARTH.
So why do we believe society's lies that we aren't beautiful? Society's idea of truth is not credible for the most part. The modern standard of beauty is tall, thin, darker-skinned (tans, etc.) and (I think) dark-haired. During the Renaissance, thin women were considered low-class, and were not considered for their beauty; the standard of beauty at that time consisted of having a large body, pale, untanned skin, and blonde hair. Before that, who the heck knows?
The point is, we learn from the world's constantly changing definition of beauty that physical beauty is not a single truth in the world: it's a social construct. But just because everyone and their mother has eaten it up like a fat-free low-carb ice cream that somehow tastes delicious, does not make it true. On the other hand, I'd bet that since God is Truth, his definition of beauty is the one true one. Considering how when pitted against society, God always comes out far more reputable, accurate, and consistent, I think it'd be best if we went with God's definition of beauty here, and that is YOU.
You are beautiful because you have been delicately and sweetly formed by the hands of the Creator, our Lord, the best artist of all time, the entity that knows you better than you know yourself, our lover who literally carried all of the sins the world has ever and will ever commit, including yours and mine, on his shoulders and suffered the fires of hell so that WE may obtain redemption and salvation - all of this out of the infinite, immeasurable LOVE and DESIRE that he has for us - he made you. Every weird birthmark, every embarrassing mole, every stretch mark naturally and humiliatingly developed during puberty rather than during the normal time of pregnancy, every blemish, even the odd shapes of our noses and feet, were all lovingly sculpted by the very hand of God. So, the world says moles are ugly, acne's ugly, cellulite's ugly, stretch marks are ugly, certain facial structures are ugly, bodily features are ugly. The world also says that sexual promiscuity is "healthy", which, considering the prevalence and health problems of STDs, seems like a contradictory statement. So, I ask: who gives a f*** about what the world thinks? God knows everything about everything, meaning that he is literally the smartest being in the entire world, and he thinks we're all beautiful. Considering that his intelligence far outranks that of the editors of Cosmopolitan and Vogue, it seems that he's the one who's right here.
So, please stop believing the lie. All the self-loathing pushed onto us is seriously heartbreaking to God as well as ourselves. So stop: you're beautiful. Believe it, it's true - God said so.
Finally, I'd like to ask that you take another look at the picture above. Those are my two nieces, Betsy (left) and Violet (right). Granted, I'm pretty biased when it comes to those two, but I'm pretty certain that I can objectively state that they are seriously the most beautiful girls in the world. Even if you don't agree with the superlative, I'm sure you can concede to the fact that those two are downright adorable, and so amazingly beautiful. Now, would you ever for even a second think that those two are anything less than utterly beautiful? Of course you wouldn't (if you would, get out of my life because I no longer like you). Now, imagine how God sees us. If you think that the idea of someone thinking that those two beautiful angels are physically flawed is utterly ridiculous and untrue (which it would be), how could you ever think that about yourself?

Finding Comfort within Discomfort

Hey everyone! It's been a long time, things have been crazy, blah blah blah. If you don't mind, I'll just dive right in to what I want to say:

Life is never stable. The things that are stable happen to be the most important things: family, friends, spouses, and above all, God. Essentially, people who we love. Nothing else is ever stable.

As you all know, I'm a planner. If I could, I would plan every moment of my life right up until my death because I'm weird like that. I even color code my planner. Now that's pretty nuts. So naturally it drives me rather crazy when the future ahead is unknown. I think that applies to a lot of us. But as we all know, even when we make plans, more often than not, they change. Hence why we all constantly affirm this truth with the saying "The best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans".

Nothing is really set for me right now. I don't know where I will be after I graduate college; could be here, may very likely be back in SD. I don't know where I'll go to grad school, what degree I'll pursue first (still wildly hoping to study both theology and literature), what I'll even end up doing. I don't even know how I will earn my primary source of income for the time being. This has all been driving me insane for several months. But not anymore.

In my few years living on my own, experience has confirmed that God always provides, often especially when the days ahead of us seem like a looming black hole. In fact, that's often when God provides in ways beyond what we had imagined or desired for ourselves. So, I'm not worried anymore. I desperately wanted to hold on to my apartment, this city, heck, even UCR. But the only things in life we really should hold on to are the people we love. All of this may sound cliche, but as I always say, certain sayings became cliche for a reason: there's truth to them. So now, while I'm certainly not complacent in matters such as job searches, living arrangements, grad schools, and Joe's and my marriage plans, I'm not worried about it. I'd be lying if I said I'm not still getting more stress pimples by the hour because of all this uncertainty, but it's all rather exciting (the uncertainty, I mean. The pimples are annoying).

So, my whole point is, we're never comfortable in life. I can't tell you how many times I've heard members of our parents' generation that are approaching retirement age say, "I thought my life would be set right now, but it's not. When does my life begin?" (in a recent phone discussion with my mom, I responded to her that hers actually began approximately 58 years ago). We will never be totally financially, logistically, or practically stable, but we're not supposed to be. That's a huge part of our spiritual journey: learning how to rely on God in all matters as our primary source of stable support, protection, and love. It's only when we learn to do that consistently that we will feel comfortable within the discomfort, and peace within the anxiety-inducing unknown. Personally, I believe that it is times like these when everything is up in the air and we're not certain of anything in life anymore that God does some of his most amazing and transformative work. So, let's all be excited in this journey of uncertainty, because our time wandering in the desert will lead us to a place beyond our wildest dreams.

The Danger of Fantasies

So I'm tabling the Cosmo Critique for now, but I will definitely return to it. This past week, however, I've really been contemplating the role that fantasies play in our minds, hearts, and ultimately our lives.

I can basically pinpoint the root of my fall into impurity to the fantasies I indulged from youth. Naturally, as a child, these started out innocent enough, but as I grew older and "those" hormones kicked in, these thoughts became increasingly - erm - detailed.

Now, I'm not condemning fantasies in general. When you're in the throes of exams, knee-deep in final papers, oftentimes, fantasizing about the wonderful rewards that await you, once the dreaded week ends, can keep you motivated. However, I feel that we must exercise an extreme caution when it comes to fantasies, particularly in the romance department. I say this because as my fantasies grew increasingly intense, I was unknowingly allowing lust to foster in my heart. And after having dreamed and drooled for years over these thoughts, naturally, once I entered into romantic relationships, I was headed for destruction.

This is not so surprising. After all, if you are planning a trip to the grocery store, and you spend a solid week thinking about a particular brand of ice cream (in my case it would likely be Ben and Jerry's "Mint Chocolate Cookie"), contemplating the delicious flavor and unconsciously convincing yourself that nothing would satisfy you more than to get your hands on a frosted tub of heart-attack ingredients, then what do you think you will grab first when you finally get to the store?

You grabbed the Ben and Jerry's, didn't you? I knew it. I rest my case. Or, at least that part of it...

Another danger with allowing our fantasies to spiral out of control, other than the fact that it often leads us into sin by pumping lust into our hearts, concerns our tendency to view a person in the way that we would like to see them, rather than as they actually are. This happens especially in romantic relationships, and it does a serious disservice to ourselves and to the object of our fantasy (herein lies one of the problems: the "object" - this is what we turn a person into when we manipulate our perception of him/her to fit our specific fantasy). If we project our own ideals, constructed in the throes of our fantasies, onto another person, then we cannot properly evaluate them as a potential future spouse, for we have misguidedly characterized them in our mind. Furthermore, tensions often brood as a result of this projection of fantastical ideals onto the other. When the other person inevitably fails to conform to the falsely created perception that we have of them, disappointments surface, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy, as well as just plain heartbreak.

Finally, we need to live in the HERE and NOW, in the reality of our lives rather than the fantasy that we so often seem to prefer. The fact that we tend to prefer the latter once again demonstrates the fact that we are, well, silly. Here's why: God gave us the specific lives that we each lead. Yes, we bear overwhelming hardships and sometimes seemingly impossible suffering. Yet, all things that God gives us are good, for they provide us the opportunity to grow in holiness, goodness, and love. So, I ask you, what could possibly be better than what God has given us?

Cosmo Critique - Segment 3

The magazine calls Mila Kunis "effortlessly sexy". This is true; she is an incredibly beautiful woman. But I have one question: if the magazine is supposedly celebrating Mila Kunis's effortless beauty, then why did they airbrush her?

Seriously, take a look. No moles, no freckles, no scars, no blemishes - no reality.

This magazine poses numerous self-contradictions. It boasts of promoting a view of "healthy sex", yet it has a frightening section on STDs (um, that would be the opposite of healthy...the last word there is "disease"). It claims to celebrate the beauty of women and to encourage women to love their bodies, yet their articles feature tips on crushing hunger (without which we would die, by the way, as the human body needs food in order to live), on losing weight and toning our bodies "now!" (what if I don't want to be toned? What if I'm comfortable with my marshmallow physique? Which I am by the way), and it falsifies the beauty of one of the most gorgeous women alive. Why is that necessary??? Um, hello, she's ALREADY gorgeous! A little too revealed in the photo(also likely a result of the airbrush) for modesty's sake, but the female body is BEAUTIFUL regardless, and IT DOES NOT NEED TO BE ALTERED FROM ITS NATURAL STATE.

Seriously, Cosmo writers, don't you ever stop and think about the countless ways that you contradict your ideal of celebrating women, the very philosophy upon which your magazine is founded? I recommend you read the Theology of the Body. It would greatly improve your literary value.

Cosmo Critique - Segment 2

The section "8 Things you MUST tell your Gyno" -- Scary. Oh so scary. And gross. And mostly related to sexual promiscuity, multiple partners, etc. More proof that God designed our bodies, along with our souls, for ONE sexual partner (should we be called to enter the vocation of marriage) --> Our SPOUSE!

God's so smart :-)

Cosmo Critique - Segment 1

I picked this little number up at the supermarket the other day for a little research. No, really. Just like when I was preparing my junior speech in high school; we were supposed to speak on a defining quality of America. I chose the decay of morals, so when my dad called that day and asked if I need anything from the store, I asked him for a cosmopolitan magazine. His response: "Young lady there is no way in hell I am getting that magazine for you." I immediately explained that it was for school. He replied, "Yeah, like I'm going to fall for that." (Eventually he believed me.)

Needless to say, I was very embarrassed to purchase this. I can't even begin to imagine how mortified my dad was when I asked him for one five years ago. What I would like to do, though, is to detail the - ahem - words of wisdom that this lovely little booklet spouts. I have a great deal of commentary and several tasks to accomplish this week, so I will be doing this in segments. Here's the first one:

First of all, the main title is "Bad Girl Sex: 75 Very Naughty Moves to Try on a Man". Okay, notice that it says, "A man", not "THE man"; as in, THE one you're supposed to be sharing the rest of your life with (because he's already you're spouse, of course). Instead, Cosmo is subtly (okay, not so subtly) promoting "casual" sex with random people. Which makes sense of course. Who could forget the gospel where Jesus told all the women, "You are made for lust, and are meant to be used by countless men as physical objects to satisfy their selfish sexual desires."

Oh, wait. Jesus didn't say that, Satan did. Whoops, my bad.

This is what the Bible - you know, the word of God - says: "For God did not call us to impurity but to holiness." - 1 Thessalonians 4:7.

So then why does Cosmo offer such a monumentally different message, one that guarantees that if we indulge our lusts and seek sexual pleasure for the mere sake of the physical enjoyment, we will surely be happy?

I think I have the answer: because it's lying. And do not forget who is the father of lies.

This title offers another outright blasphemy: "Bad Girl Sex". If we have learned anything from John Paul II's Theology of the Body, it's that the words "bad" and "sex" don't belong together (nor do the words "love" and "lust", yet Cosmo has a section title that combines these two contradictory realities as though they are synonymous). Sex is a profound GOOD. The majority of the world merely uses it in a bad way; and no wonder, if Cosmopolitan is the popular female literature of our age.

Let us Begin

So. God. Pretty big topic there. Not something you can really cram into, say, a nutshell (or a blog). But we've got to start somewhere.

Here's what I know: In my life, I've been touched by God. I've always been a rather pessimistic and anxious person, and felt dissatisfied for most of the years of my life. That is, until I finally "let go and let God" as the phrase goes.

Basically, I got sick of being sick (as in, the sickness that results from sin). And it's good that I did, because now, though I'm still far from perfect, I'm really happy, happier than I've ever been in my entire life. I find it difficult to convey the bliss I've experienced from growing closer to God because I don't want to put myself on a pedestal. So I'll just say this: an excellent recipe for lifelong happiness includes the mass, sacred scripture, and personal study and prayer. The sacraments don't hurt either. Why do these actions give us such perfect joy? Because Saint Augustine hit the nail on the head when he said, "You have made us for yourself, oh Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you." Pretty smart guy.

I hate to be repetitive, but in the interest of driving the point home, I ask again: why is it that hiding our hearts within God gives us such immense happiness? Three simple little words: God. Is. Love.

That phrase covers pretty much everything and anything, in my opinion.

Think about it. What is the number one thing that the advertising industry capitalizes on more than anything else? Love. You may be tempted to think that it's sex (and you wouldn't be wrong) but we learn from John Paul II's Theology of the Body that sex, at it's very core, is an act of selfless, sacrificial love (or at least, that's how it was originally, and how it's meant to be still; but that's another topic for another day...). Seriously. How did Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, Kate Hudson, and all these other stars get so overwhelmingly rich? Two words: Romantic comedies. The world sells us love in the form of movies, music, books, art, clothes, perfume, shampoo, you name it. What does this say about our basic desire as humans?

We are constantly searching for love because God is love, and he made us for himself. Although a large portion of the human race is unaware of it, their hearts are searching for God.